chardon

(posted 06/19/2021)

This is one of the very first deliberately planned encaustic pieces I ever did. It began with a very old photo of my late grandparents’ home. I digitally altered it, then pasted the print onto a wood canvas. Then came the most difficult part – painting forsythia with beeswax. I knew I wanted to paint these particular flowers with the house. It is a long held memory of mine that when we used to visit my grandparents at Easter, my grandpa would cut a few branches for my mother to take home. It was such a small, sweet gesture, but it is one of the only memories I have of my late grandfather. We did not go to see them very often. We lived only about thirty miles away, but since my father (their son) had died when I was only two, we saw them only twice a year: Christmas and Easter. I pass the house every now and then, wishing I could stop in to see my grandparents to ask the dozens of questions I never had when I was young, but only the shadows of memories live there now with the new owners.

I had to look back in my Instagram posts to find that my first draft of this piece was in May of 2018. I had originally drawn the home on a blank canvas, then added photos of the flowers over the top. It wasn’t until I reversed the process and painted the flowers over the photo, that it looked to me more like my memory. I labored over the flowers, painting and removing them several times. This process actually ended up adding a worn, gouged layer that I really like. The flowers are close, but still unclear in their detail. The home is far and unfinished, but some details remain. Dreams and memories are so difficult to capture, but I think I did grasp much of what I wanted to portray. Below are images of the first drafts in process.

Fast forward to a few months ago, and I saw the call for art for Lakeland’s May Show. I had never entered an actual show and I decided that even though it was not finished in my mind, that I should just throw my hat in the ring. It cost $15 per entry, and I entered this piece as well as an abstract. Neither got into the May Show, but this one did get chosen for the Extended Show at Stella’s Art Gallery in Willoughby, Ohio. I found out after I entered the pieces that the juror was American postwar and contemporary artist, Jae Jarrell.

Yesterday, I browsed both the May Show at Lakeland’s Gallery and the Extended Show at Stella’s Art Gallery. I saw some works from local artists I have befriended on social media and was very happy to see they had been chosen. I saw many pieces that I thought were phenomenal, and others I thought were not nearly as good as mine. I have a feeling I’m not alone in this regard, and I learned that I need to develop more of a callous when it comes to being judged. For many reasons, it took a lot of nerve to start calling myself an artist. Now I have to really act like one and roll with the punches.

I have come to realize why this creative/artistic aspect of my being is so vital. It unlocks much of the confidence within myself. I also learned that how I see my work is often not nearly how others see it – For good or bad. I need to further research who my audience is and see more art shows to better understand what is expected and accepted in particular venues. And above all, I should not hesitate too much when putting my work out there. The more irons in the fire, the easier that rejections get and the more chances I have of getting my work and name recognized. No magic nor rocket science required. I believe hard work and gratitude will carry me along this artist’s journey.